His First Time

They met while taking a geology class together. She had walked in late, had found the seat next to him to be the only one available, had ended up asking him for notes on what she had missed, and he in turn asked her out for the weekend. That Friday night, they went out to watch "Patch Adams" and sat there nervously, each with their own popcorn and soda, making no conversation. He felt that it had been his worst date ever. She thought that he was nothing but a nerd. And yet, when he bravely mustered a, "What are you doing tomorrow night?", as he dropped her off at her dorm, she heard herself saying, "Nothing. Wanna hang out?", much to her own surprise.

Exactly 2 years later, he woke up one sunny morning with a tight knot in his stomach. He went about his daily chores as if it was a normal day. But he knew it was not. It was the day that would change his life forever. He texted her good morning, got dressed, barely managed to have a sip of his coffee, and wore mismatched socks to work. In the afternoon, he feigned a headache and took the day off. He glared at the TV all afternoon until it was time to pick her up. 2 hours later, she was weeping, out of joy, proudly flaunting a diamond on her ring finger. "Oh I cannot wait for us to be married!!!", she shrieked as she ran towards their car with excitement. In the next week, it was finalized. Their wedding date was set to be August 17th, exactly 8 months away.

"Sweetheart", she said. "I am so thankful that you are ok with waiting until the wedding. I want our first time to be special."
"Me too", he said kissing her mouth gently.

8 months flew by as they ran around everyday trying to coordinate their dream wedding. Her life revolved around appointments with photographers, videographers, pastors, bridesmaids, caterers, salons, boutiques, and him. His life revolved around their new house, gift registries, travel bookings, tuxedos, and her.

As they both lay on their own beds a night before the wedding, they each wondered how it would be to feel their naked bodies against each other, for the first time ever. Their friends had teased them about not having gone all the way. But they had not minded. They had wanted to wait. It was going to be their own special moment. The one that they had waited for. And it was to happen exactly 23 hours from now, he thought. He slept peacefully that night knowing that he would wake up to the happiest day of his life.

The wedding was perfect. She looked as pretty as a princess, he thought, as she walked down the aisle while she blushed with nervousness. And as they kissed as man and wife, he felt a surge of happiness run through him. "Mrs. Carol Taylor", he whispered to her, as they hopped into their car to drive to their honeymoon suite at the Holiday Inn. She cried and laughed at the same time unable to contain her joy.

Their bed had rose petals on it, courtesy the hotel. They could care less. Before long, he had taken her wedding dress off and was admiring her beautiful nakedness. Within minutes, they were in each other's arms kissing fervently and passionately like they never had. "Go slow", she managed to mutter but he did not hear her. He continued to stroke her, touch her, and kiss her while she let out soft moans. "Are you ready?", he asked running his fingers down to feel her wetness. She nodded her head. As both of them came together a few minutes later, they each felt like they would explode, their entire world rocking, as they perspired and held on tight to each other.

Gasping for breath, he said, "That was beautiful."

She smiled and wrapped her arms around him dreaming of a beautiful life with him.

She did not know that she had the HIV. He did not know that now he too had the HIV.

The Newly-Wed

On the 14th of April, 1997, Kshipra looked breathtakingly beautiful, clad in a heavily embroidered mauve saree, with her long black tresses hanging just below her shoulders, and her face shining even more than the full moon that night in Mumbai. At 20, her eyes were as innocent as that of a puppy. And as she stood next to her new husband, Mahesh, she only had dreams that every happy bride has. Of love, family, a home, and contentment.

Months later, Kshipra walked out of Mahesh's house. She could barely be recognized with her petite body now appearing malnourished, her eyes having sunk in, and the gleam having disappeared from her face. Mahesh had avoided Kshipra like plague, had asked her to sleep in a separate bedroom, and had requested her to keep away from him the same night that Kshipra thought she would lose her virginity. Kshipra knew why when Mahesh came home just a few days later with another man. Mahesh's boyfriend. Kshipra realized then, she was only his scapegoat, to hide the fact that he was gay, from the world.

Kshipra spent the next eight years in agony. She spent sleepless nights crying, and her days were lonely. As each friend of hers engaged, wed, and gave birth, she felt like she was scarred for life. Men walked in and out of her life offering her physical love. But none wanted to marry a divorcee. A scarred divorcee. A flawed gem. A gem who had never been touched. Only been legally wed, once upon a time. She lost all hope of fulfilling the dreams she had had as a bubbly teenager. She would die a lonely woman.

When Shashank saw Kshipra standing behind the counter at the hotel he had checked into, he felt an instant surge of warmth, a feeling of wanting to hold this woman who looked forlorn in a room full of people, a need to comfort her. Months later, they were close friends, and a year later, Shashank proposed to Kshipra. And Kshipra passed yet another sleepless night crying. She knew if she told Shashank about her past, he would perhaps leave.

On the 23rd of May, 2007, Kshipra once again stood smiling amidst extravaganza, dressed in an expensive gold and red saree. This time, she was in Bangalore. She was not shy like she was ten years ago. Her face was not as bright as it was ten years ago. And a fear gnawed at her. Will Shashank, her new husband, forgive her when he found the truth out about her past? Kshipra stood there with an awkward smile. That night, she would tell him.

On the 30th of May, 2007. Kshipra woke up in Shashank's bedroom for the 6th morning in a row. Shashank had not asked Kshipra to leave after she told him about the unfortunate episode of her life ten years ago. Shashank asked her to stay. Shashank had not been angry. Only heartbroken. Shashank had decided to leave her and his apartment. Kshipra was alone, once again. The divorcee would be a divorcee once again. The gem was now cracked.