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Thursday, February 14, 2008

The Letter


It was warm, humid day. One of those days where people frown every second as beads of perspiration travel from their luscious locks to the cracked earth. One of those days where people keep their windows open praying for some respite from the heat in the form of a cool breeze. One of those days where people do not expect a letter to fly into their living room and land near the loud, monotonous TV. And yet it did.


Dear Sanjana,


I do not know of when you will get my letter. I do not know if you when you will read my letter. And I do not know if you will want to read this letter. And yet I write this letter to say sorry to the one girl that I loved tremendously.


In the past few years, I have not looked for you. I have wondered where you have been and prayed for you each day. But I never found the courage to find you and tell you that I love you. I always loved you and I still do. But I was a coward. I made a mistake and I hope you will forgive me for it.


I do not remember what day it was that I last held you or looked into your soft eyes. But I remember vividly the smile that you flashed at me when I held on to you, trying to hide my tears. You were unperturbed. Your mother was uncontrollable. And I was in denial. Since that day, I have died a thousand deaths. I have wandered onto the empty streets looking for my Sanjana, hoping that the brown-haired, brown-eyed girl that I see walking will be you running towards me with open arms. I have dreamed a thousand dreams with you holding my hand while my soul rests in peace. And I have cried every night pining for the family that we could have built.


Sanjana. Is your name still Sanjana Vijay Kumar like I have always envisioned it to be? Do people ask you who Vijay Kumar is? Do you wonder where I have been? Will you come live with me if I brought you back home? Is your new world as beautiful as our world used to be? Do you wonder why I had to let you go? Did your mother answered any of your questions?


I am sorry Sanjana. I am sorry I left you with your mother when you were a baby. I was only 20 then. I was afraid of the world. Afraid of the society. And running away from my life.


Will you forgive me Sanjana? Will you forgive your father today?


Love,

Daddy


Mr. Karnik did not know if the warmth on his face was his sweat or his tears as he finished reading this letter. He now understood why his neighbor Vijay always remained a mystery till the day he died. The mystery was now unraveled two days after he committed suicide.


It was one of those days where someone's pain touches your heart and you sit there helplessly.

65 comments:

gaurav said...

very touching.. but it gives me negative feeling. dont know y??

Solitaire said...

Don't they all?

Keshi said...

awww touching post! VERY SAD TOO.

Keshi.

Deepti said...

Take a bow ... awesome ... Applause :)

d SINNER!!! said...

hmmm...tragic it was...

but then each life is a story of sin, retribution and redemption...few get to the last stage...

phew..guess m readin poetry too much...

vitruvian said...

extremely well crafted...
touching..

Pavi!!!! said...

The Way i u'stand the story, Vijay abondoned his wife n li'l baby 'coz of society n blah blah reasons . Am i correct?
Well, in my opinion he was a coward n deserves no pity!Yes,he was young and suffers the guilt until death n even commits suicide... but that doesnt take away the fact that he abondoned his wife n child , when they needed him the most!

Neetal said...

I know one thing for sure in this whole wide world... that no matter whatever happens... no matter... everybody leaves me... one person who will always love me and take care of me is my Papa.

Nice story. Very touching.

Solitaire said...

@ Keshi, yes it is.

@ Deepti, thank you!

@ D Sinner, very! I don't know who was punished more...the daughter or the father.

@ Vitruvian, thank you!

@ Pavi, you are assuming that she was a wife? That is not mentioned anywhere in the story. It is upto the readers to conclude whether it was a pregnancy out of wedlock or within wedlock.

@ Neetal, :)

Pavi!!!! said...

ooops yeah.. i assumed..Good, u noticed!

But that doesnt change my opinion about Vijay. Abonding the gurl he got pregnant/ his wife and his child is the act of a loser! Deserves no sympathy!

PS : I'm not saying he is a bad man, but just that with regard to this, I don't empathize with him.

Kavya said...

@Pavi :

We all do mistakes, sometimes they are grave, and sometimes insignificant. Erring is human, or so it is said. But at the end of the day, 'regret' is what converts us from brutes to humans. Yes, he probably ruined two peoples' lives, and they may never stop being bitter about that fact. But then again, if holding grudges solved problems, the world would have been Utopia :)

Alok said...

Very nicely constructed!

It was intriguing, especially the format. And yes, it launched a trigger in my mind.

But I'd like to know, what was the inspiration for this one?
Just curious because it would take a lot of personal involvement (Maybe you know what I mean) for me to write something of this sort!

Miladysa said...

Excellent. Great storytelling.

We cannot always write stories about wonderful characters who do the right thing and never make mistakes. If we reflect life in our writing there will be those who are not perfect - just as it is in life.

You created a believable character here - well done :]

Miladysa said...

Oops sorry - TWO characters :]

Bubbles of FireWhisky said...

beautiful finish...

Reign said...

It was such a poignant letter, very moving.

Let everyone forgive and be forgiven.

Solitaire said...

@ Pavi, my profession does not teach me to not empathize..no matter what the person has done so I do feel sorry for him.

@ Kavya, true! And again, do we really know if he ruined two lives? There is no indication of that. Maybe he thought he did but sometimes things do happen for the best.

@ Alok, I hope there is no personal inspiration for my stories because they are all rather sad!

divya said...

aww sneha di...everytime i read a story from this place of yours, there' something tickling my nerves.

I am glad these stories are not for real :) though i appreciate ur creative talents :)

love ,
div

Pavi!!!! said...

@ solitare , kavya - I'm sorry , but i find it hard to empathize with Vijay. I u'stand mistakes are made by everyone and it must have been his situation in life then, but he caused 2 lives pain, even if he did not ruin them.It is hard for any child to grow up as a child abandoned by one's own father.
One could forgive but never forget.Its simply hard to do!n the impact of some mistakes are irreversible ,n in such cases repenting only helps the guilty , no one else. It might of been of some help if his conscience had made him take some action while he was alive...Better Late than Never, n then mabbe the abondoned could have accepted him back in their lives....but now its too late to do any1 any good.

If you've read "A thousand splendid Suns" ..Mariam's father actions caused her all the pain n troubles in her life, his repenting is of no use!

PS : I feel strongly about this coz i know someone in a similar situation and I don't want to get into the details for obvious reasons.

Pavi!!!! said...

@ solitare - Rgdg ur profession teaching u to emphatize with all :

I'm thinking, being in ur shoes n if I had such a guy as a client, then my challenge is probably to teach him how to cope up and carry on with life inspite of his mistake. I need not necessarily tell him "I u'stand & empathize with the mistake u made" .. Right?

PS: I know ur studying to be a doc , n im not trying to be extra-smart. Just voicing my thots and asking u what came to my mind. Pls don't get me wrong.

Solitaire said...

@ Miladysa, thank you so much! And thanks for stopping by!

@ Bubbles, thank you!

@ Reign, easy for us to say na?

@ Div, thank you so much!!

Solitaire said...

@ Pavi, do not defend yourself here, please! Everyone is entitled to their own opinions here. This is life. Its rather subjective. What is wrong to someone may be right to the other and vice versa. It all comes down to what values, norms, beliefs, etc we are used to. But about that sentence that you think we would not say to the client..Actually we would. And maybe the same darn words! And actually, I have.

You are right. His repentance will not change anyone's life now. And maybe he did not wait to see if it did or not..

I think he also made the mistake of not looking for her earlier..oh well!! I still feel sorry for him just like I do for his daughter.

Mel Avila Alarilla said...

Hi Solitaire,
I love that post. It tugs at the heart. You really have the ability to make a great story. Do make more stories to warm the hearts of your readers. Thanks for the beautiful post. God bless you and your family always.

Ashu said...

You owe a standing ovation Sneha for this wonderful piece :)

S said...

Tooo touchy....\

Chakoli

vEENs said...

well, suddenly I feel sad for the father@ though I always thought that it was unfair to the kid.

ahh well! maybe it affects both of them.. but then, who knows.. what the kid felt like..
i hope that mister wud give the letter to the kid.. she will feel better.. maybe

Sam said...

I hate you.. yes I hate the author in you.. for everytime i read your story... i dunno.. i feel hollow...
but then i also luv the way you write and connect with the reader....
and thus i'm confused!!!
well written!!

Mush said...

Very creative. A feeling of a father-daughter relatinship well explained through a letter. Keep writing :). Inspires me to write - hv been updating my blog more frequently than I used to :D

willheim said...

now i am on guard when i read your stories.

they are gems!

Nits Pandita said...

hmmmm..
well quite a touchy story..!

:: Clouds :: said...

Rather heart-warming.

Funny as it may seem, you wrote it on Valentines' Day.

c e e d y said...

it is interesting read...read thru the comments..most of it is covered :)

all i can say is - people can make all kinds of judgement and presumptions on what has transpired at a given moment and time - but it is the individual who at the point is so overwhelmed by emotions that he takes those steps.....

Satish Bolla said...

a touching story yet again. i felt very bad for vijay as he realized his mistake very late and i was even a bit angry on him( not for making the mistake) but afraid to face it(and commited suicide).
and i feel for sheetal too who never knew about her father's emotions towards her and has to be a life-long enemy of him.

Novice Writer said...

wow!that was excellent...

Solitaire said...

@ Mel, thank you for your feedback Mel.

@ Ashu, thanks dearie.

@ S, :s, good or bad?

@ Veens, will she? Maybe she will feel worse that her last chance to see her dad is gone.

@ Sam, wow! thank you for your honesty! I felt the same after watching TZP. Loved the movie but will never go watch it again because it made me sad!

Solitaire said...

@ Mush, are you attributing your motivation to write more to me? OMG!

@ willheim, haha! mixed emotions, right?

@ nits, thanks!

@ clouds, yeah! did not realize that. has nothing to do with that, though.

Solitaire said...

@ Ceedy, right!! Most of the attack is on the father. But who knows what his life circumstances were when he had to take this step.

@ Satish, Sheetal? You mean Sanjana. Why does she have to be a life-long enemy? Isn't enemy a harsh word? You are angry at him for committing suicide? For experiencing so much pain that he had to end his life to get away from the pain, for he knew no other way?

Pavi!!!! said...

@ Solitare - I agree with Satish rgdg the "suicide" bit. Just coz one is experiencing pain, suicide cannot be seeked as a solution! That is ridicuous! n this pain he bought upon himseslf and chose to crib n cry about it all his life.

Now that the topic of suicide is mentioned, I guess the fact that he found an easy way out by commiting suicide makes me more angry with him!.

PS : I know most people are going to feel different on this one, but couldn't resist commenting.

c e e d y said...

@ pavi and satish

do you understand the state of a person who is going to commit suicide....put yourself in that situation....basically he/she is driven to a point where logic and reasoning are impaired - how do you expect such a person to think about others....

there are people who drive other to commit suicide....what about such people....

Solitaire said...

@ Pavi, I really do not think that we have the right to form a judgment about someone who has committed suicide. As I said to Satish, that was the only solution he saw. You feel angry because maybe you feel like there are other solutions. And you feel that because you are a neutral outsider who is not experiencing his pain. When put in a situation, people do things that seem right to them then. Not necessarily, they are right or wrong. Once again, it all boils down to subjective values.

Zee said...

:( i didn't get it

SwAThi.... said...

Wow u write amazingly well.... It was a beautiful post...

Pri said...

my heart is in shock...it jus saw the date when this was posted and it cant seem to digest the fact that sneha could write sucha story on 14th feb of all days..:-/
and now its sitting quitely and wondering how to react...

my mind says "amazing story!!" :)

Sam said...

but then i never learn from my mistakes... read your story the third time!!

The Keeper of the Keys said...

hey nice stories!!!

Chriz said...

sweet letter...

Satish Bolla said...

wrote a bigggg comment but lost it because of the bad net connection. will try to recollect my words again.
some of u agreed with me(or rather my comments) and some of u opposed me. let me make something clear. i wrote that am a BIT angry on vijay for chosing the faster way(suicide) to put an end to his greivings. he must have tried some other way out.
and coming to sanjana being a life long enemy, it was a pretty badly framed sentence. let me be clear now. "i feel bad for sanjana for not being able to know about her father's plight and treat him as an enemy till his last breath".
regarding the suicide part, i feel few people know better than me about suicidal urges. i know the real pain of losing a person whom u love more than ur life.
i don't mean to criticise or oppose others with my comments. these are just feelings.

vEENs said...

You are right.. but don't you think, it would be injustice to the father and the kid.. that the kid would never know her fathers heart!

*~*Sameera*~* said...

That was so heartrending!

Pointblank said...

Wow!!! I'm moved! now, is this a real life incident or fiction??

Cinderella. said...

Holy shit...and I was thinking that some estranged lover wanting to get back !!!
None-the-less, the Mr. Karnik was another surprising twist..
Too cool !!

Knatchbulley Hughzscene said...

hey :)
i usually don't write about relationships n all.
but honeslty u've inspired me.. i'm tryin to write one. i'll post it soon..

Pavi!!!! said...

kk...am @ the airport n i remembered i yet had to respond to this one...

@Ceedy n Solitare : I know n u'stand that for a person whoz thinking of commiting suicide, its not possible to think of others. n I feel suicide is just about that moment/instant. Once one has passed thru' that phase one doesnt go back to contemplating suicide again(Thats wat ive heard too!)
n yet... i dont think suicide is a solution to anything in life.
n satish din't do anything to help the situation for so many yrs when he cld have. He dint bring himself or wat cld have been his family happiness.It was his choice.

n agn this is my opinion of a 3rd person, who i donno personally. If i knew him, things mabbe different.

Pavi!!!! said...

@ solitare - me thinks its time for next story? :-)

Nature Nut /JJ Loch said...

A beautifully crafted story, sad and poignant but also through the tears of life, a father's love shines through. Very touching.

Hugs, JJ

backpakker said...

many times you share the grief of someone and there is no way you could do anything about it..but sharing and understanding is still something right !very moving ..
-lakshmi

Patchez said...

beautifully written! :)
loved it very much! :) keep us updated!

Will-o'-the-wisp said...

hey....thanks 4 dropping by my blog :)
after reading just one word comes 2 my mind-touching!

Solitaire said...

@ Zee, what part?

@ Swathi, thank you! Welcome to my blog!

@ Pri, LOL! What does your heart say? 14th feb is a day about love, isnt it? This story is about a father's love.

@ Sam, wow third time huh! Any reactions?

@ the keeper, thank you!

Solitaire said...

@ Chriz, thank you!

@ Satish, seems like you have suffered a loss in your life but I would also like to say that few people know how it is to be at such a point in life that you feel like killing yourself and actually succeed in it.

@ Veens, I know! Sad..

@ Sameera, thank you!

Solitaire said...

@ Pointblank, its fiction alright!

@ Cinderella, haha! First one to give some thought to Mr. Karnik!

@ Knatchbulley, when you do let me know!!

@ Pavi, right! It was his choice! And therefore, it was his choice to commit suicide too. Once again, it might not be the correct solution to you. But it is to him. And we cannot do anything about it.

Solitaire said...

@ Pavi, maybe it is but too many blogs so things are slow..

@ Nature nut, thanks!! Please do visit again.

@ Backpakker, thank you lakshmi!Its been a long time. How are you doing?

@ Patchez, thank you! Keep visiting.

@ will-o-wisp, thank you! do visit again!

soumya mukerji said...

Beautiful... leaves me speechless

C R D said...

i came across ur blog through my frnd, who's an avid reader of ur blog...im glad i did... ur stories are all very touching...very very short and yet they manage to shake u, even though the words u use are few...

keep writing
Chris
www.crissdude.blogspot.com

ishqia said...

that was a very good one...